The key to the door

[ From Fb Notes dated July 7, 2011 ]

After three years of making up His mind that She indeed is The One for Him, He finally goes to the door of His Beloved.

*Knock Knock*

“Who’s there?” asked Her voice from inside the room.

“It is Me”, He replied.

“Go away, there is no room for 'You' & 'Me' here”, came Her reply.

The door remained shut.

He goes away feeling betrayed & vowing to never return. He wanders off to a distant land and turns into a philanderer. But even after many years of knocking & entering any door that appealed to Him, He still couldn't find that which he was so craving for.

Thus, eight years later, restless, lost and deeply repentant, He returns to the one door He had vowed never to come back to.

*Knock Knock*

“Who is it?” asked Her voice from inside the room.

“It is You.” He replied.

This time the door opened to let Him in.  

My position vis-à-vis Anna & his movement

[ From Fb Notes dated August 21, 2011 at the height of the 'India Against Corruption' movement]

[Disclaimer: The views expressed below are the personal opinion of the author and admittedly pretty "layman" one at that. In no way, shape or form does the author claim to be an authority on matters pertaining legislation]

"For every complex problem there is a solution which is simple, neat and wrong."

- Henry Louis Mencken

First of all l'emme make it clear right at the very onset that, contrary to the impression some of my recent posts on the social media (Fb, Twitter etc.) may be giving, I am one hundred percent with Anna Hazare as well as his ‘India Against Corruption’ movement. The idea, that is. That Dr. Manmohan Singh's second term as PM has seen corruption breaking all previous records is an undisputed fact and therefore any individual or movement that seeks to bring this most incompetent of Governments to book has my unstinted support.

The issue, as we all know is corruption. Now, before we proceed it is of paramount importance to understand one bitter truth about corruption- that at it's very core corruption is a basic human flaw and thus it can, at best, be kept in check; never eradicated completely. If anyone seriously believes it is possible to completely eradicate it, he/she is severely deluded and needs to get their head examined. Now that we have that out of the way, let us move to the heart of the matter.

At the heart of the matter is the controversial Lokpal Bill. Now while my personal opinion regarding “whether we need one more institution- the LokPal- to keep corruption in check?"- is NO. Our constitution already provides us with more than enough institutions such as

-the Judiciary

-the Election Commission (EC)

-the Comptroller and Auditor General of India (CAG)

-the Central Vigilance Commission (CVC)

-the Central Burea of Investigation (CBI)

-the Police

-the National Commission for Minorities (NCM)

-the National Human Rights Commission (NHRC)

besides powerful acts like the Right To Information (RTI), which, if allowed to function independently, are more than capable of keeping corruption to the barest minimum. Thatthey are not allowed to function so is the problem and steps to ensure they are allowed to function as was intended by the constitution is the solution, not adding one more chunk of institution to the already complicated system.

But then, that’s just my personal opinion, and admittedly a pretty layman one at that (given my lack of a legal or administrative background). Who am I to challenge the wisdom of such eminent intellectuals as Mr. Arvind Kejrival, the ex-IITian? Fair enough, I am mature enough to realize that it is quite possible that I could be wrong in my opinion (that repairing and rehabilitating the already existing institutions alone can achieve the desired result & there’s no pressing need of any new legislation or institution as such) and perhaps, Lokpal *is* indeed THE only way out of this corruption mess. Fine with me, I am flexible enough to accept Jan LokPal if that’s really the case. Anything for the prevention of corruption. And if a LokPal has to be instituted then it goes without saying that I, too, like any sensible Indian would rather have Team Anna’s Jan LokPal than the Government’s JokePal.

But where I am most respectfully in complete disagreement with Team Anna is their obstinate stance on getting their version of the bill, as it stands TODAY, passed ASAP through tactics bordering on moral blackmail. Key words here being “as it stands TODAY”, for that is where my problem with the bill lies. The Jan LokPal bill, as it stands today, though brilliant for most part still has a few contentious clauses that need a serious rethink IMO.

Now, as already explicitly stated in the Disclaimer at the start of this post, I don’t fancy myself to be

any kinda authority regarding matters pertaining to legislation. So I’ve no shame in admitting that when I read through the Jan LokPal bill (as found on the ‘India Against Corruption’ official web portal), some portions of the bill went right over my head. But I did manage to grasp most of it (as can anyone who bothers to actually make the effort to read through it). From what I understood, Team IAC’s Jan LokPal seems to me to be a brilliant piece of legislation with many applause worthy provisions, none more important than the "provision for protection from victimization of the whistle blowers". Two thumbs up to the drafting committee for that.

Having said that, there are a few features of the Jan LokPal that make me extremely uncomfortable. First and foremost, I am in total disagreement with the very idea of an ALL-POWERFUL, OMNIPOTENT body that has everyone from Supreme court to CAG, CVC, CBI to the PM all under it’s ambit. It’s a universal fact proven through history that "Power corrupts & Absolute Power corrupts absolutely". The very concept of a body that’s going to be the judge, jury and executioner all by itself is itself flawed, and not just flawed but also unconstitutional and undemocratic. Democracy stands on three pillars- the Legislature(Parliament i.e Lok sabha and Rajya sabha), the Executive (Government) & the Judiciary(Supreme Court, 21 High courts and all other lower level courts) and each of these three are mutually independent and yet at the same time keep checks and balances on the other, thereby ensuring there’s no concentration of power in any one institution or pillar. This is the basic premise of any democratic constitution and the Jan LokPal seeks to change that.  Now while I am all for PM, CBI etc. being under the ambit of Jan LokPal, the inclusion of the Judiciary too under the purview of the Jan LokPal is totally unacceptable to me. Frankly, I fail to understand why is it necessary to do that?! Barring some exceptions our judicial system, for most part, has been doing a fine job of staying free of any political influence. Why, just the other day the Supreme Court, in a landmark decision quashing UP govt.’s ban on the screening of Prakash Jha’s Aarakshan, ruled that no state government can ban the screening of a film once it has been passed by the censor board. That is just one such example off the top of my head. I am sure most of you must have, from time to time, read news reports saying “Supreme Courts raps CBI on delay in falaana case”. The fact that the likes of Kalmadi, Raja and Kanimozhi are behind bars today is largely down to the independent and impartial initiative on the part of Supreme court. It is the one institution that has managed to stay credible when all the others seem to have lost their credibility and become the mouthpiece of those in the centre. Of course, this is not to suggest that our judiciary is absolutely perfect. No, there are problems in our judicial system, none more serious than that of delay in dispensation of justice (as long as 20-30 years in some cases). Another problem is of corruption at lower levels. But these are minor problems that could be solved by introducing the long pending judicial reforms which has provision for setting up of more fast-track courts and special courts for petty crimes like theft, loot etc. (which constitute the majority of work before courts) ensuring a much quicker dispensation of justice. You can’t have the judiciary under JanLokPal’s ambit just for those reasons. Certainly not the Higher Judiciary at least. This much is absolutely non-negotiable as far as I am concerned.

My second issue with the Jan LokPal draft bill is concerning the “selection process” of the Lokpal.

The proposed selection committee is supposed to consist of Ramon Magsaysay award winners, Bharat Ratna Award winners and Nobel Laureates of Indian origin. Which means people like Pandit Bhimsen Joshi, Lata Mangeshkar, V.S.Naipaul etc. shall now elect the most important office in the Indian state machinery. On what rational ground, if I may ask, does winning all these  awards qualify a person to be part of such a technical and responsible selection panel? I mean, with all due respect, how the hell does being the greatest female playback singer of all time qualify Lata Ji to elect the person(s) manning the most important office in the country is, quite frankly, beyond me!

Also, sample this:

“ The members and Chairperson should have unimpeachable integrity and should have demonstrated their resolve and efforts to fight against corruption in the past.”

Am I the only one who thinks this sounds too naïve? Even if the answer is Yes, you can’t deny that this is a highly subjective  criteria. I, for one, am really curious to know how are they going to measure such a character trait as “integrity” in concrete terms?

Then  there are the functional & operational hazards that are bound to follow given the good-intentioned, idealistic but unrealistic goals JanLokPal has set for himself regarding the time duration for completion of investigation & trial and redressal of grievances through clauses such as-

“..if the complaint contains verifiable and specific information about misconduct or corruption, then that case shall not be rejected even if the complaint is anonymous.”

&

“Provided further that no complaint of allegation shall be rejected by questioning the motives or intention of the complainant.”

which are guaranteed to result in a tsunami of cases most of which are bound to be politically motivated & frivolous, given the size and the population of the country. How do they propose to deal with that?

Just made a quick google search and found out that at the moment the no. of central and state government employees in India is approx. 12 million. Assuming a modest figure of one complaint per 100 employees, we may have around 120,000 employees investigated per year. These complaints are to be investigated within 1 year. Even if one Lokpal can handle 100 cases a year, we will still need 1,200 Lokpals. Given three of them will be Arvind Kejriwal, Kiran Bedi & Prashant Bhushan..how are they going to unearth the rest 1197 Lokpals fitting the qualification criteria + “integrity”??

It’s quite clear that the Lokpal too is going to go the judiciary way i.e. overload resulting into extreme pendency.

In addition to these three reservations that I have regarding the Jan LokPal, I’d also like to pose two questions to all the advocates of the JanLokPal:

1-  When we couldn’t prevent 'independent-at-the-time-of-conception' institutions like the CVC & CBI from being politically influenced, how are we going to prevent the same happening to Lokpal in the long run?

&

2- If we are, through some measures, going to prevent Lokpal from being politically influenced then why can’t we employ those same measures to rid CVC, CBI etc. of the political slavery?

With this, I rest my case. I hope it is clear that I am with Anna & Team India Against Corruption but not with the Jan LokPal as it stands today because at present it is undercooked. Needs more time, deliberation and fine-tuning before it chould be passed.

[Do keep in mind that opinion expressed above are based on the draft Jan LokPal bill version 1.9 as downloaded from the official India Against Corruption forum. They’re constantly upgrading it based on the feedback from various sections of the society. I’m told that they’ve dropped the utterly juvenile “Bharat Ratna, Ramon Magsasay, Nobel awardee” qualification since then, which is a welcome decision if true. I'm yet to verify it. If they’ve indeed managed to replace it with something more logical then that takes care of my concern number 2.

Also, there have been signs in the past couple of days that they’re willing to soften their stance on the issue of bringing judiciary under the ambit of Lokpal. I sincerely hope, wish and pray that better sense prevails and they agree to leave judiciary untouched. At least the higher judiciary (Supreme courts & 21 high courts). If that happens, that’d take care of my biggest concern. The rest I don't have much problem with.

Now, I know what  the natural question by the Fb cheerleaders of the Jan LokPal would be-

 “Agar LokPal solution nahi hai to tum hi bata do kya solution hai?”

I’ll tell you. It’s this-

1- Get off your butt, stand in a queue irrespective of the weather and fuckin’ VOTE the next time an election comes round.

&

2- Make a promise to yourself that starting today I will not be a party to giving or taking bribe no matter what the price I may have to pay.

Sounds naïve & "easier said than done", I know. But it’s the only solution, for corruption at it’s very core is not a problem of the legal domain. It’s the problem of the “moral” domain and that’s where it ought to be tackled. It’s a moral war that every individual has to fight within himself and that’s the way it is, whether you like it or not]

[ Also, I’d like to make it clear that my rantish posts on this issue (the “Aap Chutiye Hain” trilogy in particular) were not meant to ridicule Anna or the India Against Corruption movement. Only a thankless retard would dare to insult a selfless 74 year old  who’s out there fasting for the past six days for the sake of a better future for my generation. Make no mistakes, Anna is a Hero & so are Arvind Kejriwal, Kiran Bedi et al. My posts were meant to ridicule the hypocrisy of my generation who believes that just mere chanting "Anna! Anna!" & sharing silly Congress jokes on facebook will absolve them of their OWN part in making corruption the Frankenstein monster it has become today. I intend to expose more of this hypocrisy but that's a tale for some other time. For now, I leave all those hypocrites with just three simple questions to ponder over:

1- How many of you, since turning 18, have even once exercised your franchise i.e cast your vote?

2- How many of you have got your driving license, passport etc. the legitimate way i.e. without paying bribe/through an agent?

&

3- How many of you Bhagat Singh’s have filed even one query  pertaining to corruption under the RTI act?

Be honest with yourself and you’ll get your answers.

Jai Siya Ram!

A toast to THE best younger brother in the history of mankind

[ From Fb Notes dated March 10, 2011- a day after Chhotu- my younger brother's 26th birthday ]

It was 9th of March yesterday. On that very day, exactly 26 years ago, you came into my life. (Sorry for disclosing your real age on a public medium :P) Ma tells me that I was pretty damn excited about your arrival. But when someone tried to hand you over to me to hold you up in my arms for the first time, I refused saying "अगर बेबी मुझसे गिर गया तो टूट जायेगा "  [the baby will break if I happen to drop him by chance]

A lot has changed between us over the past 26 years but that feeling of protectiveness that I felt towards you on your first day has remained the same :)

At first, the fact of your arrival didn't sink in. When it finally did,  I remember telling myself"Time to grow up, Bittu..you're an elder brother now!" . But then somehow, I postponed 'growing up' to the time you started school.

And have been postponing it further and further ever since :P (On last check it was found to be postponed till the time you get married :P)

As I sit here reminiscing about our childhood, my mind is filled with a million memories. Happy memories. I can still vividly picture you standing on a stool,  looking over the balcony for me to return from school and play "bat-ball" with you in that narrow Aryanagar balcony.

I remember you intently watching me mug up my hindi lessons and then repeating 'em alongside me- "पूलब पत्तित दक्कित पक्कित  (पूरब पश्चिम उत्तर दक्षिण  :P) [ East west North South]. Another personal favourite from among the plethora of your 'pronunciation gems' was- गँगरिंग गौन्ग्रंग (दैनिक जागरण) [ Dainik Jaagran- a Hindi daily] boy! did you have a funny tongue or what  :D :D

Remember the time when you silently peed into an empty bottle of some kind & upon being enquired 'bout it by Ma you feigned  ignorance and blamed it on poor monkeys instead? -  "बंदल कल गया होगा!" Yeah right, smarty-pants :D

Then it was time for you to start school. After three years of pampering, you naturally didn't take too kindly to the sudden shocking changes in your lifestyle. In fact, I recall that Ma, Papa had to negotiate a compromise with you- whereupon you reluctantly agreed to grace the school with your dignified presence THRICE a week, every alternate day. Well, life sure ain't fair but one gotta live it anyway :D

This 'thrice-a-week' arrangement was to continue till std. 2, if I recall correctly. Not surprisingly, your grades too were as good as your attendance :P I had, by this time, developed a slight interest in the fairer sex and hence had started scoring well to impress 'em gals. Buoyed by my own good performance, I had a great time teasing you singing" पढना लिखना सीखो..ओ मेहनत करने वालो " :P I still believe that THAT ribbing was the catalyst in you turning the corner as a student (see..THAT is how you take credit for someone else's hard work ;) )

Now, whether it was due to you taking those jibes to heart or you, too, like me, developed 'a slight interest in the fairer sex', the outcome was that you, too, started scoring well and soon overtook me as the "next big thing" of the family, going as far as even TOPPING your class a couple of times; something even I could never achieve! (And that's saying something!! LOL)

Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug\m/

Apart from bettering me in studies, you continued to happily tag along with me as my side-kick in other matters, such as sports n time-pass. I've great memories of all the fun we had whether it was playing gully cricket or cards at Ishu & Henna's place, flying disc/kabaddi at Goal Park or WWF in our own bedroom. I still, to this day, feel guilty about delivering a stiff BIG BOOT right to your handsome face during one of our countless EPIC 'steel cage matches for world heavyweight championship' (Ho sake to mujhe maaf kar diyo mere bhai :P) & I am still proud of the way you refused to tap-out to the excruciatingly painful crossface chicken-wing applied on you by that rabid wolverine- Piyush Chandok. And to top it all, you didn't even 'pass out in a pool of your own blood' in doing so!! Stone Cold, who? 8-)




Then came the first real test of your character. The assholes at YOU PEE board screwed you big time, not once but twice, first in high school and then, just to rub it in some more, in intermediate as well. Every Tom, Dick, Harry, Gajodhar, Sankata & Ghanshyam ended up getting a better deal than you. It's not an easy place to be in life and I am speaking from experience here, for I, too, had been at the receiving end of UP board's bullshittery, albeit to a lesser extent. But while I said "fuck it" and grew disillusioned with the system forever, you chose to hang on and give it a fight. Not surprisingly, your perseverance bore fruit and you made it to the prestigious Motilal Nehru National Institue of Technology 8-)

Papa himself couldn't have been more proud of you that day than I was :) The rest, as they say, is history!

Come to think of it, Ours has always been a uniquely curious kinda relationship. I mean..unlike your 'typical Indian brothers', here, in our case, it's me- the elder brother- who's the rascal (great word!) of the family, the wild one always up to some kinda ONE-TWO-KA-FOUR, FOUR-TWO-KA-ONE, breaking all the rules, staying out late, stirring up all kinds of shit and getting in all kinds of troubles :P while you-the younger one- is the more sober, mature, sensible and reasonable one. In one word- the calming influence (okay, that's three :P)

If I had to compare ourselves with some on-screen brothers, the brothers from 'Khosla ka Ghosla' come to my mind, with me being Balwant 'Bunty' Khosla (Ranvir Shorey) & you, Chiraunjilal 'Cherry' Khosla (Parvin Dabas).

(the name 'Chiraunjilal' suits you to the T, btw :P)

& contrary to what some may feel, I am most comfortable with this arrangement, for as Jane Austen has so wisely proclaimed in her accomplished novel, Mansfield Park..

"The younger brother must help to pay for the pleasures of the elder" 

;)


Jokes aside, l'emme now come to the point. You see, the reason I am writing this to you is because, we Indians, thanks to our cultural conditioning, find it extremely hard to express our love to the very people who mean the most to us- our family, in speech. I am a product of the same conditioning and I could have NEVER said all this to you on your face. Hence this...well...essay :P

Chhotu, mere bhaaaay..I want you to know that you have been THE best younger brother anyone could ever ask for :) Wish I could say the same about myself as an elder brother but that'd be a lie, for I know that (apart from saving your ass on a couple of occasion against much older and stronger bullies growing up in the Wild Wild North) I haven't really been much good of an elder brother. In fact, a couple of my actions in the past are completely unworthy of an elder brother. YET, you go on respecting me and even looking up to me!!!! Now, while I do understand your "looking up to me"- after all, I AM a good two-and-a-half inches TALLER than you :P- but the "respect" part surely perplexes me!! :O
I mean..I have certainly not done anything to *earn* that respect for sure! The only plausible reason I could come up with to explain your respect for me despite me being a complete bully is the fact that you are aware that I still have access to all the vital pieces of that photograph from your childhood (which you tore) where you happen to be in your birth-suit with a powder-bottle in your hand. (Gotcha..didn't I? ;)   )

Well, whatever be the case, I want you to know that I genuinely regret all those instances of my un-elder-brotherly & bully-like conduct from the core of my being & Thank you for forgiving me for the same (I know that you have forgiven me)

I also want you to know that I am glad that we have covered a lot of distance in the past couple of years, so much so that I can now proudly say it that you are not just my brother but you also happen to be my OLDEST &  BEST friend, as well. (In fact, more than one of your Bhabhis have told me that they haven't seen any brothers chatting with each other on the phone DAILY and for so long :P)

In closing, all I'd say is..it was nice growing up with you, kid. Eagerly looking forward to the next 26 years and many more..

Happy Birthday once again. You are THE best\m/

Love & Aashirwaad............ Khoob bade ho :)

[PS: I ain't gonna blackmail you about that photo so take it easy & chillax, chico ;) ]